Shinedown Saving My Life

im 16 years old and have lost my bestfriend that i have known for 10 years. i lost him in november (november 18th 2008. to be exact.) i had just turned 16 on november 10 and felt like things were goin great. my bestfriend nick was at my house the night he killed himself. he was only 14 at the time n was going to turn 15 in january. he was the nicest kid i have ever known and couldnt ask for a better friend. he went to my school and we hungout everyday. he was never in a bad mood and always seemed happy. he did get in verbal fights with his dad once in a while but over things like chores or homework. the week he died was when he was having problems in spanish class and wasnt doing very good. nick came over to my house because i was having my friend mike over from down the street and nick over because he lives right across the street from me. we would come to my house everyday to hangout n play videogames together bcuz we have known eachother for so long and have always been best friends. that day i invited him over, his dad was upset with him and wanted him to get his grade up in spanish so as a punishment, his dad took his videogames away and said that he was grounded from friends (after nick left my house) and he had to do his homework. nick was upset and ran to his room and locked the door. his family (nick had 1 younger brother and 1 older sister and mom n dad) thought he was upset n just thought he would be doing homework or sleeping in his room to get the anger out. nick was in his room for a few hours so his family was worried n wanted to see if he would open the door. they kept knocking and still he didnt answer. they thought he was still upset bcuz he loved playing videogames n hangin with me n a few other friends, so nick's family went to bed and thought to wake him up before school the next morning. nick's mom told his sister to wake nick up bcuz it was time for school. the door was still locked so his sister told his mom. they got the room key and opened the door. nick had hung himself.

that morning i wokeup and my mom told me there were ambulances and police men outside of nicks house. i was worried for a second so i texted nick's cell phone. i said "Hey nick is everything alright at your house? my mom said that there was probably a gas leak or something minor like that. text me asap or tell me at school what happened." i went to school that morning and did not see nick so i thought maybe he skipped the school day because one of his family members was injured or got sick (his parents wur both older and had smoking problems so i figured at worst it was something wrong with them.) i got through 4 class periods and forgot all about the ambulences n everything. it was lunch time at school and i sat down at my table. i was there for about 10 minutes when my friends say they see my parents. i looked up and i see my mom and dad walking to the school's office crying. i didnt know what to think but knew it was bad because my dad was crying. i still was thinking any of this had to do with nick. i was scared n didnt know if i should follow them or wait to see what was wrong. my friends at my table told me to go see what was wrong. so i followed my parents into the office.

i walked in and saw my mom crying super hard and without knowing what happened i started crying asking "what happened? what happened!?" my mom asked if there was a room that she could talk to me in. a teacher showed her a room and closed the door. i kept asking her "what happened?!" she looked at my still crying and said "Nick died" my heart skipped a beat and i fell to the floor screaming crying, yelling "why!?" and "no!" i couldnt stop crying and never felt so much pain in my life. i didnt think any of this was real n didnt want to move. once i got home i stayed in bed and didnt talk to any1 for a few days after that. i didnt say a word to anyone at all and didnt get out of bed 1nce. my whole family was hurt n they kept saying talking will get us through this. but i still didnt want to say anything. a few days later my parents wanted to take me n my brother out to eat to try n get me out of bed n talk. i finally listened bcuz i hadnt eatin anything during the days i was in bed. i knew i was starving so i agreed to go with them. they had me talk and tried to get my mind off of everything. they told me that Nick's wake would be the next day. i was talking after dinner but still was depressed. i listened to my ipod for the first time in a few days. i listened to second chance alot because i kept thinking i wanted a second chance to make things different. i was still depressed for a long time after that day. my mom kept signing me up for therapy but i never wanted to go. i hated talking about what happened so whenever my mom brought up therapy i would get mad n not want to talk about it. my mom kept saying "talking about it, makes you feel better." but i never felt that way n still dont.

after a few weeks went by, i felt like the only thing i could do was listen to shinedown. i listened to every song over n over again. music was and always will be my therapy. i kept trying to find a song that was how i felt and "call me" was the one that i related to. "tell me its over, i'll still love you the same." was the lyrics that couldnt leave my mind. i kept wanting the pain to be over and kept picturing nick telling me that none of it was real. cuz the only way to cure my pain was to see nick again. i will still love nick forever and he will always be my best friend. there hasnt been a day that has gone by that i havent thought of him.

Shinedown was and still is the only thing that helps me get through any pain. As weird as it sounds, i havent listened to cyanide sweet tooth suicide since it happened. every time i hear something that reminds me of him or what happened, i get depressed.

i am posting this because i wanted to tell everyone that even through the hardest times, you still have something you can find to heal your pain. Mine was shinedown and always will be shinedown.

i hope this has helped u in even a small way.